Thalia Massager

I love a good massager, especially one that doubles or is actually a vibrator. So I decided to check out the Thalia Massager from FunWares.

The Thalia Massager is made by California Exotics in China and is part of their Dr. Laura Berman Intimates line. Dr. Laura Berman is a sex therapist and educator who has written a number of books and has a line of sex toys through California Exotics.

The Thalia Massager is rechargeable and waterproof, two excellent qualities for a sex toy. It is made of ABS Plastic with a soft PU coating that is smooth and silky to the touch. It is a pretty lavender color, which is a bonus for those of you who love purple toys. The Thalia is about 6 1/2″ long and almost 2″ in diameter at the widest point of its attachments. With the longest attachment on, it extends almost 3 1/2″ and without any attachments, it only extends about 1 3/4″.

With an attachment on, the Thalia Massager is shaped a bit like the letter “L”. On the tip is the input for the charging cord with a tab that closes over it to protect it. The handle has raised plastic grips on each side to give you better leverage as you are playing with the Thalia. Toward the bottom of the Thalia, right before the attachment, are indentations on either side. This is another good spot to grip the toy during play, The indentations are soft and comfortable and provide a solid grip.

Three attachments are included with the Thalia Massager. The Intense Nubby Attachment, the Soft Ridged Attachment, and the Soft Tiered Attachment. Though the handle of the Thalia Massager is made of ABS Plastic, as is the Intense Nubby Attachment, the other two attachments are made of TPR. Both the ABS Plastic and TPR are easy to clean. Simply use antibacterial soap and water or your favorite sex toy cleaner. Remember, the Thalia is waterproof which makes cleaning a breeze. Just be sure not to get water in or near the charging outlet. However, neither plastic nor TPR can be sterilized. So if you are sharing your toys with non fluid-bonded partners, be sure to use condoms over the attachments. Also, if you decide to use the Thalia Massager on your anus, use a condom.

Generally speaking you can use any type of lubricant with ABS Plastic and either water or silicone-based with TPR. However, on the packaging California Exotics recommends using a water-based lubricant with the Thalia Massager. The TPR does have a good amount of drag, so adding a bit of water-based lube is likely to enhance your experience.

Charging the Thalia Massager is easy as pie. Push back the outlet cover on the tip of the Thalia and plug the charger in. The control panel on the underside of the handle glows red while charging and turns green when fully charged. The control panel consists of two buttons. The bottom button is indented and doesn’t really look like a button at all actually, but it turns the Thalia on. Pressing this button also turns on the red light. Once the red light is on, the Thalia is ready to massage away. Push the top button (which actually looks like a button) to turn the Massager on.

The Thalia has seven different functions all controlled by this single push button.
1. Steady vibration
2. Fast pulse
3. Fast pulse followed by steady vibration
4. Steadily increasing pulses in a cycle
5. Steady vibration high to low, slow rollercoaster
6. Skipping Pulses slow to fast
7. Long steady vibration followed by long fast pulsing

These patterns really are significantly different though some of them may seem very similar. I am rather fond of number four. You cycle through the patterns by pressing the top bottom. After number seven, the Thalia Massager will turns itself off the next time you hit the button. You can also turn the Thalia off at any point by pressing the bottom button. The Thalia has no memory so when you turn it back on it always starts at function number one.

As with most California Exotics packaging, the packaging of the Thalia Massager is not discreet. It is a flimsy, clear plastic box that displays all the pieces of this sex toy. The back of this box shows images of the Thalia Massager and its attachments. The Massager, its attachments, and the charger sit in a plastic tray inside the box. The box is not very sturdy so it may not be the best for storage. In fact, I wish the Thalia Massager came with a storage bag to hold all its pieces.

Unlike most of California Exotics packaging, which has minimal information, there is a fair amount on the packaging for the Thalia Massager. California Exotics provides a little blurb about Dr. Laura Berman and some information about the Massager itself. I found this most helpful and was quite appreciative for this. The package also shows me how to say “massager” in six languages.

The Thalia Massager surprised me with its power. It is strong, deep and rumbly. The vibrations are actually quite nice. It can almost be too strong for me at certain times. I was also impressed with the attachments. I really enjoy the Intense Nubby on my nipples. The hard, silky smoothness of the plastic is incredibly stimulating. On my clit, I prefer the two TPR attachments, the Soft Ridged and the Soft Tiered. The TPR is soft and squishy and works well with pressure against my clit. I especially like the Soft Tiered on my clit and the Soft Ridged against my labia. I can also feel the ridges when I put this attachment just inside me. Of course, it will only penetrate shallowly but I do enjoy it as a tease. The biggest downside of the Thalia Massager is that is very loud. It can easily be heard it through the bedroom door, which is a bit annoying and distracting. It is definitely not a good option if one is trying to be quiet and sneaky.

Thalia Massager Pros:
• Powerful
• Deep vibrations
• Waterproof
• Rechargeable
• Different patterns

Thalia Massager Cons:
• Insanely loud
• No storage pouch

I like the Thalia Massager. It is easy to care for, it is rechargeable, it is waterproof. I like the power and the deep, thrummy vibrations. It is small enough to pop in an overnight bag and take with you, and looks enough likes something you could pass off as a muscle massager. It actually isn’t terrible on your muscles but it isn’t that great either. If you do want to use the Thalia as a muscle massager, I suggest using the Intense Nubby Attachment. There is far too much drag with the TPR of the other attachments to glide comfortably on the skin. Overall, the Thalia is really not the right shape for massaging muscles with any of the attachments, at least not for me. However, as a clit massager it does do a good job. It is just damn noisy.

Thanks to FunWares, the Thalia Massager comes at a very reasonable price and ships out the same day you order. FunWares also ships very discreetly so you can feel secure in ordering your sex toys without anyone being the wiser. So head on over to FunWares and order the Thalia Massager for yourself!

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