Tenga Lip Service

Masturbation sleeves: they’re those ridiculous-looking tubes that, as a man, I’m a bit wary of sticking myself inside of. Sure they might take up an entire shelf at your local sex store, but do I really want to put my dick inside of a flashlight? How about an ultra-realistic looking set of disembodied hips or a strange, day-glo cylinder made out of materials with names right out of a science fiction novel? Call me a old fashioned, but sometimes a hand just feels more familiar. With this in mind, I was a bit wary upon seeing the “Tenga Lip Service” for the first time.

On one hand, it’s a blowjob machine. This means that I’ll inevitably be placing my manhood in the rubbery grasp of the cold and unnatural. But, on the other hand, this one had some promise. First, it was engineered and created in Japan, the same adult novelty culture that gave us tentacle porn and that strange stuff that turns water into goo; they know their stuff. Second, the “cup” was severely lacking any of the ridiculousness which inspired my original fear of masturbation sleeves, this one looked more like a fancy bottle of body wash or conditioner I had a greater risk of being labeled as having expensive tastes than being a pervert. But, sophisticated grooming products aside, I was genuinely excited to try out the “Lip Service” (also known as the Deep Throat Cup) and put it through its paces. Before we get to that however, I should explain a bit about the Tenga in the first place.

Engineered in Japan by a former mechanic, the Lip Service comprises only one of a growing number of pre-packaged, “onacups” with names like “Rolling-head Cup” and “Soft Tube Cup” which, as you may have inferred, offer different types of stimulations. In particular, the Lip Service offers a unique method of suction that utilizes a small hole in one end of the cup to create a vacuum around the soft, jelly sleeve inside. Basically, you stick yourself in the cup to push the air around the sleeve out of the hole. Then, while covering the hole, you withdraw your penis from the cup and the thin jelly material hugs the skin close while providing suction. Pretty cool, right?

I’d have to see if it delivered on its promise.

Did it ever.

Removing the Lip Service (which I’ll just refer to as LS from now on,) from its package, unwrapping the protective covering and uncapping the business end of the diminutive cup, I was greeted with this:

A seemingly endless abyss of white jelly lay before me, coated in thick, slippery lube. I felt loved, knowing that there was a machine somewhere making sure that I didn’t have to lube up my LS before having at it. Taking a gulp, I inched myself into the LS, taking in the sensations as I heard a loud flatulating noise resonate around my penis. What had I done? Had I upset the Tenga somehow? Was I being punished by the masturbation gods for using such a plain looking masturbation sleeve? No, I just hadn’t removed the sticker on top! Right then, take two.

Sliding in again, a soft “pssht” sound replaced the earlier noise of the blocked hole and I could feel the material pushing against my penis. Now, I’m not a large guy by any means, but I could easily fill the LS with my overwhelming average-ness. Fear not however, they make larger versions for the XL guys out there. For me however, the normal Tenga did just fine and, placing my fingers over the little hole at the other end of the LS, I began to pump away. An astounding 30 seconds later, I collapsed on my bed in the throes of La Petite Mort, toes still curled from the experience.

Thirty seconds. Seriously.

Maybe it was the inhuman geometry of the inner sleeve that did it, perhaps it was the sucking sensation that drew the little ridges tight against my cock whenever I slipped out, but I have never climaxed so quickly in my life. In this respect, I’d give the Lip Service seven thumbs up if I could. The suction works and it works well, as evidenced by the very audible “slurp” that accompanied every thrust. That’s right, it slurps. Tenga claims that this adds to the realistic blowjob ambiance, but it can certainly be a detractor if you’re looking to be discreet about it. Luckily, it also makes a great aid without the suction, as evidenced by several longer follow-up tests over the course of the next week… Often several at a time.

As for whether or not it actually feels like a blowjob, that’s a tricky one. The different bumps and stimulation-enhancing bits on the inside certainly stimulate as much as a human mouth, perhaps even more in my case, but after a while you begin to notice the very real lack of life in the little plastic widget quickly engulfing your manhood. As a fan of blowjobs and the Tenga both, I’d have to say that in a pinch, the LS will more than do the job.

Any product that produces results this pleasurable wouldn’t be without its little niggles though, right? You’re correct! The LS does have a small list of issues, both large and small. First, the entire Tenga line is disposable. In that, you throw it out after one use. Like a one night stand, but… plastic. It’s possible to wash the Tenga with a bit of water and antibacterial soap, but the company doesn’t recommend it and neither do I. If you follow the recommendations of the company and dispose of your Tenga after you use it, you’re looking at around 15 bucks each time you’re feeling a bit randy. Now, I haven’t tried sticking my dick in caviar or saffron, but 15.00 to insert yourself into something plastic for a few minutes and then throw away? It seems like a waste of money to me, and that’s where Tenga failed to win me over completely. Perhaps Tenga’s reusable onahole, the Flip-Hole, would be a better choice for the budget-conscious masturbator. As for the disposal itself, the Tenga is completely recyclable, so it’s entirely possible to get yer jollies and freak out the guys at the recycling center at the same time. Woo!

Second, the noise can get quite loud at times—fine if you live alone, not so fine if you don’t. Finally, I found that the sensations delivered by the LS depended more on my arousal. When I wasn’t particularly horny, the sensations felt a little bland and lifeless, although it still did the job. When I was really horny however? It was as if every inch of my cock could feel what was happening. Bland rubbery “hole” or uber-engineered orgasm extracting device, you’re likely to fall somewhere between the two sentiments.

In closing, the Tenga can be likened to a gourmet meal on plastic tableware: perfectly prepared and ultimately satisfying, but also cheap and utterly disposable.

Lelo SIRI

Recently I reviewed the LELO Nea, a small clit stimulator that I liked very much. So I decided it was time to review another LELO clit stimulator that I bought a while ago and have had laying around the house, the LELO SIRI.

As I mentioned before, the LELO SIRI is a small clitoral massager, though it’s quite a bit bigger than the LELO Nea, as you can see. Though bigger than the Nea, the LELO SIRI is still on the small side and fits easily in the palm of my hand. It is 3.75″ long and 1.75″ wide. It is made of ABS and silicone, both of which are great materials for sex toys. The silicone of the LELO SIRI is very soft and smooth, like most of LELO’s toys. It is also latex and phthalate-free, hypoallergenic, and body-safe. These materials can easily be cleaned with antibacterial soap and warm water or your favorite sex toy cleaner. The SIRI is not waterproof, so be careful when washing not to get any fluid in the charging port. You can use a 10% bleach solution on the silicone part of the SIRI, which is the colorful portion. This will sterilize the silicone so you can share your SIRI with non-fluid bonded partners.

As the SIRI is part silicone, and this is the portion you use against the body, you want to use water-based lubricant with it. Silicone-based lube can cause a negative chemical reaction in the silicone of the LELO SIRI. Though the silicone is very smooth without much drag, you might want to use a small amount of water-based lube. This way it will be nice and slippery and slidey against your clit and labia. I generally find my own lubrication sufficient, but I tend toward getting quite wet.

Like all LELO sex toys, the SIRI is rechargeable. You simply plug the charging cord into the port on the back of the vibrator. Charging takes about two hours and while charging the LED will flash white. When the charging is complete, the LED will glow steadily. When the battery is running low, SIRI will let you know with a red glow from the LED. Your two hour charge will provide you with up to four hours of play time, depending on how you use the vibrator.

The design of the LELO SIRI is simple. There are four buttons on the front of the SIRI, +, -, up arrow, and down arrow. To turn the SIRI on and increase intensity, press the + button. To turn decrease intensity and turn the SIRI off, press the – button. You can also hold the – button down for several seconds wherever you are in the stimulation modes to turn the SIRI off. The up and down arrows scroll through the pulsation patterns. When pressing a button, the white LEDs on all the buttons light up. The buttons can also be used to lock the SIRI during travel or storage so that it does not turn on accidentally. Hold down on the + and – buttons for five seconds and watch the LED light up, then turn off. When they turn off, the SIRI is locked. To unlock just do the same thing until the buttons light up again, indicating the SIRI is unlocked.

Be sure to press down firmly on the up and down arrows when scrolling through the pulsation patterns. The stimulation modes on the LELO SIRI are as follows:
1. Steady vibration
2. Slow pulse
3. Fast pulse
4. Long, slow pulse
5. Roller coaster
6. All over the place

The vibrations of the LELO SIRI are nice and deep, and relatively strong, especially for a clit vibrator. The SIRI is not terribly loud, though the person next to you might hear it if they are awake. I don’t know that it would wake anyone from a deep sleep. It certainly cannot be heard through my closed bedroom door.

I really love how the smooth silicone of the LELO SIRI feels against my skin, and I find the control panel very easy to use, even with my long nails. I find the SIRI comfortable to hold. It doesn’t make my hand cramp up or go numb from buzzy vibrations. I like the pulsation patterns quite a bit, especially number six. It’s odd but it does it for me. The SIRI easily brings me to orgasm with its strong, deep vibrations. Granted, the vibrations are not the most powerful in the world, but I find them very satisfying. The SIRI also works nicely at stimulating the nipples and labia, and the soft silicone really feels good against the skin. One thing I really love about the SIRI is that I can scroll up and down through the patterns. I don’t have to go through everything and start all over. If I skip the pattern that I want, I can just hit the down arrow and go right back to it. Overall, it’s a great little vibrator that comes in red, pink, and purple.

The packaging of the LELO SIRI is similar to the other LELO packaging I’ve seen. As I have the red SIRI, the outer box is red, with an image of the SIRI on the back. The inner box is the same hard, black box I’ve seen before. It is very sturdy and great for storage. If you don’t want to use the box you can always use the satin storage pouch included by LELO. The SIRI comes in a big plastic bubble sealed inside a cardboard envelope. Also in the box are the charger, a sample of LELO’s water-based lubricant, the one year warranty, and the user manual. The LELO SIRI also comes with a 10 year quality guarantee. If your SIRI breaks any time after the one year warranty has expired, this allows you to purchase a new LELO Pleasure Object at a 50% discount.

LELO SIRI Pros:
• Deep vibrations
• Low battery indicator
• Can scroll up and down through pulsation patterns
• Travel lock
• Soft silicone
• Rechargeable

LELO SIRI Cons:
• Not waterproof

The LELO SIRI is both pretty and functional, and it functions pretty damn well. The vibrations are deep and moderately strong. The silicone is smooth and soft. The buttons are easy to manipulate. The shape is great. It is rechargeable. There are just so many things to love about the LELO SIRI. In fact, I would give it five stars if it was waterproof. Alas, it’s not so I am subtracting one half star. I love the travel lock, not so much because I travel frequently, but because I can lock the SIRI while I’m storing it. The SIRI comes in attractive colors. It’s one of only a few red vibrators I own as they are hard to come by. If you’re looking for a solid clit vibrator that combines form and function, I highly recommend the LELO SIRI.